Endings and Beginnings

This is an inspirational picture somehow....a young girl in a princess outfit holding a mallet and getting ready to whack-the-dickens out of that mole, with the sweetest bright smile on her face.

May we all go after our lives with the same gusto!

This is my precious niece, Zoe and the silly boy in the Superman outfit is her twin brother, Bryce. After spending Christmas eve with the Vlceks in Chicago, Ray and I spent Christmas morning driving down to Lafayette Indiana to do the holiday with my family. It was a really great special time, even though I did forget my manners and neglected to officially introduce Ray to all the many people at my sister's house before heading right into "play time" with Zoe and Bryce.

Christmas felt like a true blessing this year. On the drive home with Ray I held his hand so tightly and just couldn't find the words to express my gratitude that we've begun this special bond together.

Obviously its no secret now that Ray got a Banjo for his Christmas but in addition to that, Ray got me a traveling guitar. When we were last at Westfield staring into the golden oranges and reds of the roaring fire, I mentioned that it made me feel like playing guitar around the fire. I used to have a few guitars from past rock-bands laying around that I played, but they've all disappeared since. This is the first guitar anyone has ever bought for me and its gorgeous!

Admittedly after the holidays I came down with some general blues. There are so many more promises and potentials, hopes and wishes now in front of me that have not been within my sight in a long, long time. Ray and I are sharing dreams and ambitions, as well as mutual sacrifices worth making to accomplish these things. The last time I ever had such a sense of budding hope burning in my belly was in the early 90's when I decided that I wanted to commit fully to becoming a psychologist. That was a dream and ambition which relied solely on my own tenacity and discipline to complete, and the support of my family to help me get through. This dream that Ray and I are sharing will require a deeper sense of partnership and mutual vision, trust and bond. Its nowhere close to what it takes to start a family or raise kids - - - we can set our own time table and pacing this way, but it is very much a couple-effort to a new degree than I've before experienced.

Here are the kids again, enthusiastically ripping open their gifts. By this time, they were just about gift-opening-energy-OUT!

And during these holidays too, Ray is putting in 11 hour days at work for a steady 5 weeks, with no weekends off. Pretty much since Thanksgiving, he's been working non-stop, with just the few short days of Christmas off, New Years Day off, and then not a single day off again until Jan 20th.

I love his devotion to his work and the intricate skill and engineer talents he has! For every new set that he drafts and builds, there is at least one major trip to HomeDepot to pick up needed tools, supplies and design aspects for the set. Going to HomeDepot with him early in the morning is one of my favorite little treats that I hope he'll always take me on. Whereas most men I've known are hobbiest-at-best when it comes to tools, Ray knows his building supplies like a true expert and has the store-layout entirely memorized. Its a very sexy thing, if I may say so.

And so as I'm coming out of my post-holiday blues and bringing up the strength and faith in me to dream, trust, grow and bond further, I wrote my first little ditty on the guitar Ray gave me.
Here is one final picture of the sweet smile of Zoe and her enthusiasm, hope, and love for all that is in her whole little world... and a smile that I too share in the little girl still inside me...

Home

There's been a question always in my mind
Why for so many is love hard to find?
I asked the moon
I asked the sun
is there not enough love for everyone?
I asked the stars
I asked the clouds
until finally your voice rang outloud...
Baby, come home to me.

There's been a question down in my heart
Why is there violence to tear man apart?
I asked the Gods to explain to me
Is it really this difficult to live free?
I asked the lake
I asked the trees
Until finally your voice came through their leaves...
Baby, come home to me.

And he said...
There are so many strings that find us
so many connections to that bind us
I'm just grateful to share this string with you

And he said...
There are so many stars that light us
so many millions of fires to ignite us
I want to spend the rest of this fire with you

There's been a question deep in my soul
Why does it take two for one to feel whole?
I asked the birds
I asked the fish
and they told me I already got my wish
I asked them how
I asked them when
until mother nature rose up and said...
Baby, go home to him.

She said...
there are so many strings that find you
so many connections that bind you
Take this string and follow it home to him
She said...
there are so many stars that light you
so many millions of fire to ignite you
take this torch and carry it home to him.

Vlcek Christmas 2007

Just Click On this Picture to View Slide Show of
Vlcek Christmas Eve Festivities...


Photobucket Album

First tree

What a *great* picture of Ray getting started on the lights of our tree. :-) This is the first xmas tree for both of us in a very long time. I honestly felt some pangs of nervousness along with the excitement of us getting this tree last night. There would be moments when I'd have a flash memory of past christmas's and past tree experiences back many years when I used to strain so hard to find happiness and be at peace, but could never find it. That's a tough thing to admit. And what results is some kind of association between even trying and losing. So I had stopped even trying to celebrate the holidays much at all.

Last night, when those flashes would come up, I'd intentionally stop what I was doing, close my eyes and just take a deep breath. Let go of things lost and difficult. Accept what is right in front of me so easy, natural, and intuitively so right. Now, just seeing the happiness and contentment that Ray shows in his smiling eyes is the greatest gift I could get this year. He is so much like me - straightforward simpleness is all he really lives for. And thankfully for me, he's got many more years practicing it than I do.

It was funny, even as we were taking turns picking out ornaments from Ray's box to put on the tree, I felt another old and silly memory that I used to experience as a kid - the anxiety of finding the *perfect* placement of each ornament on the *right* limb. Sometimes I'd walk around the tree a few times, thinking I just can't find the right spot but somehow Ray is finding all the right spots. Its totally silly. It just reminds me of how much as a kid I used to love spending hours and hours staring at our family tree, losing myself in every little sparkle of light, flicker of shadow across a shiny, glistening bulb.


When Ray and I drove back from Westfield last Thanksgiving, we stopped at Cabela's and one of the things we picked up was a brand new ornament meant to represent our first xmas together. We picked up this outdoors Santa traveling with presents in a canoe. I put our name and the year on it last night before hanging it on the tree.




Our other favorite thing is collecting Gnomes and when we went to pick up the tree stand, we came across this outdoor "Swinging Gnome". I think we should take him up to Westfield for the summer, but for now he's gonna be enjoying some swinging action in our living room, over looking our xmas tree.






This is me with Valdez. Believe it or not, she was purring like crazy when Ray took this picture. Our tree is now complete and somehow, with faith and practice, making room for these new chapters in my life keeps getting a little easier.

Back when I thought I knew more things than I actually do, I used to profess to the wonder of Time as one of life's greatest gifts for always bringing change and a new opportunity to bring out who you are. Saying it and living it are very different things sometimes. I am more blessed than I often realize. I love you Ray.